Tuesday, 8 December 2020

The Flashback

of the tragic memory, trauma and shocked of the death my late hubby. 

It was refreshed again last October 17, when we heard the news about the sudden passed away of my loving Mama. Everything that happened in the past I've recalled and felt again, wasn't a good feeling but its good I handle it better this time. I was so devastated, very sad and so upset of course. The thought that my confidante, my friend and my adviser, the one that makes me feel better when I'm down was now in heaven. The feeling that you don't have a father and this time you've lost a mother as well. 

But knowing she is with the Lord, with Papa and is at peace and not living in the world's uncertainty, makes me feel less sad. Only her absence and my longing that I have no mother to cling unto is like an emptiness in my heart that no one can fill. The moment when I'm planning to have holiday in Philippines only because of her, to celebrate her birthday and create more memories with her, to always surprise her with my presence, the moment that no one will drop me to airport when I go back to Australia. I was lucky to spent the last Christmas and New Year last 2019 with her and my whole siblings. I don't know what it will feel this coming yuletide season.

Her smile, her loud voice that you may interpret she's angry, if you don't know her. (I'm like her sometimes 😁) Some people say we are somewhat have similar ways 🤣, of course she's my mum, so I dont mind being compared, especially the good things she did, I will acknowledge it 🤣. 

Silently I've missed her a lot, knowing I don't have someone to talk to especially if I'm feeling down or confused, I miss her laughter the most and never ending chats if she started. I only regret when I dont talk to her much as often as what sister do, but we always have quality time together when we talk, she know how much I love her, I'm not only showy or vocal. 

One thing I've learnt from everything, in losing someone dearly in your life. Always make them feel they are loved, keep in touch with them when they're far away from you, just say Hi and How are you daily even a short chat, it will make them feel so happy and it's a big thing to them. Be kind to everyone, we don't know what they've been through. Tell your love ones I love you before it's too late. 

We only live once and we dont know when will be our last breath, so make the most of everything while we live on earth, live happily, love one another, help each other, forgive if someone did wrong to you, don't live on hatred or grudges, above all Love God in all that we do is what our life's purpose. 

Mama, wherever you are I know you are happy and already fulfilled your mission on earth. Always watch over us and just whisper to us if you think life's journey seems unfair, please lead us to be in the right track of happiness and fulfilling life as what you've done here on earth.

We are so proud to be your children and we love you so much. 

I miss you Mama. 😢

My sister and I memory photo with you. Our footsteps when we visit botanic garden in Adelaide. Just remember that as we continue our life, being your children, we will do our best to follow your footstep, the footstep that will lead us to become a version of a beautiful Mama like You. 

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